This one’s for the consumers out there. Specifically, when you’re ordering a glass or a bottle in a restaurant. Odds are that you have a good idea of what to expect based on previous experience. At the least, you know various wines are certain colors, i.e., Chardonnay is a white wine, Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon are red, and rosé is pink. Or pank, as my relatives in the Lone Star State would say.
Beyond color, you have a rough idea of what a wine will taste like based on similar wines you’ve had in the past, i.e., Chardonnay tastes like apples, butter, and spice. Or Merlot tastes like blackberries and herbal notes.
Note that I’m not getting exotic here. No mention of Falanghina, Xinomavro, or some other equally obscure wine. Instead, the tried-and-true offerings one finds in many American restaurants, even the ones where the list is laminated, changes only once a year, and supplied by a local distributor.
All that aside, a glass of Chardonnay from a winery you’ve never heard of may not taste anything like your favorite. Same goes for Merlot, Cabernet, and pank, for that matter. While the wine in question may not be flawed, there could be any number of reasons why it tastes different to the extent that you may not like it at all. Here are some of the most common scenarios and the why’s behind.
Why does my wine taste weird?
My wine tastes sour: There’s too much acidity in the wine—at least for you. Keep in mind that you may be sensitive to acidity so need to steer clear of certain kinds of wines, or make sure that whatever you order to eat will take the edge off the wine. That usually takes the form of some kind of animal fat or oil–like olive oil.
As for why the wine is sour, it’s because of the acidity that’s naturally in the wine or that’s been added. Before anyone gets dangerously excited, acidity is often added to wine and the acid used is derived from grapes. Without enough acidity, a wine isn’t balanced and would taste flabby (see below). It won’t taste good with food either. Acidity is the magic ingredient that makes food and wine pairing work.
My wine tastes flabby: the opposite of the previous. There’s not enough acidity in the wine. Not only that, the fruit is overripe and the alcohol is high. Frankly, the wine probably isn’t good anyway. Move on.
My wine tastes like raisins: The wine was made from overripe grapes that were in the first stages of raisination when harvested. Yes, wine grapes can turn into raisins too. And raisinated grapes make wine that tastes like–well, raisins. But there are always exceptions. Some grapes like Zinfandel do well with being picked late and make delicious wines that have raisinated flavors, but with tarter notes too. Mind you these high-alcohol wines need to be paired with intensely flavored foods.
My wine tastes “hot”: from high alcohol meaning the wine was made from overripe grapes. High alcohol wines usually need to have acid added in order to be balanced.
My wine tastes funky/strange/off: the most common complaint andit could be from any number of things; from corkiness to sulfur compounds to something called Brettanomyces. Long story, so I have to be Inigo Montoya here and sum up.
Corkiness: The wine smells and tastes musty from a compound called TCA—the result of mold and chlorine getting together. Think old books and magazines, or every bag of so-called baby carrots you’ve ever opened. Usually, TCA comes from a tainted cork, but it can also come from a tank or barrel in the winery. Regardless, corkiness is universally considered a flaw. If you smell or taste it in a wine you’ve ordered, ask for another glass or bottle.
Sulfur compounds: All wines have sulfites. Anything fermented has sulfites, for that matter. The human body produces more sulfites every day than what’s usually found in a bottle of wine. But sulfur compounds in wine take different forms. Some of them don’t smell great. If a wine smells/tastes like a lit matchstick, it means sulfur dioxide—SO2– was added to the wine as a preservative.
Before freaking out, you should know that it’s really difficult to make good wine and preserve it in the bottle without adding SO2. Odds are the sulfur you smell and taste in the wine will dissipate within minutes. If you’re still tetchy about it, ask your server to decant the wine.
Otherwise, if the wine smells “stinky” as in sewer gas or rotten eggs, the culprit is hydrogen sulfide (H2S). While not toxic, you wouldn’t want to drink a wine if you smelled H2S in it. DPIM, as we say in the business. Don’t put in mouth.
My red wine smells like a barnyard: means the wine probably has Brettanomyces. Brett, as it’s called, is a yeast that grows in vineyard soil, gets on the vines and the grapes, and can eventually end up in the winery and hence the wine. In small amounts, it smells leathery and earthy, and can give a red wine complexity. But once Brett reaches a certain point, the wine smells like a stable with medicinal notes. Funny thing is everyone has a unique tolerance for Brett. Some people loathe it in any amount while others actually like it, even when it gets to the rodents covered in Band-Aids stage. That said, if the wine smells like a barnyard and you really don’t like it, choose a different wine.
My wine tastes like vinegar: from volatile acidity. VA, as it’s called, is another by-product of fermentation and in all wines, at least in trace amounts. But if your wine smells like a bottle of Trader Joe’s balsamic vinegar, there’s a problem. Consider another wine.
My red wine tastes bitter: The wine has too much tannin, at least for you. Tannin in red wine comes from grape skins and barrels used for aging. Tannin is also a necessary preservative for red wine and not only helps balance it, but gives it the potential to age. However, too much tannin makes the wine bitter, astringent, and even undrinkable. Unless you’re having it with live game. Just kidding.
Once again, be mindful if you are sensitive to bitterness and tannin. If that’s the case, no Petite Sirah or Barolo for you. Stick to lighter red wines with softer tannins like Pinot Noir and Gamay. Besides, those two are much more versatile with food.
My wine tastes sweet: Don’t confuse a fruity wine with a sweet wine. Pay attention to the aftertaste or finish. Does the wine taste sweet after you swallow it? If so, the wine has residual sugar. If not, the wine is just fruity. There are more than a few fruity wines that are dry. One more thing, some world-class white wines routinely have residual sugar as well as high acidity. But inexpensive commercial wines sometimes have residual sugar to cover up cosmetic flaws, so to speak. Which means you should only drink good wine.
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